It’s been a rough two days / nights for me. I’m thinking about Michael a lot lately. Not in the sense that I want him back – in the sense that there’s an awesome fun loving person buried in that sick shell that should be out in the world and isn’t. It kills me to see such a waste.

And I discovered last night, while looking for a specific photo, that I still cannot look at the wedding photo’s without breaking down. I still haven’t watched the wedding video… I have no idea when I’ll actually be able to do that. I cannot reconcile that him with this him. It’s just too sad.

And there’s still that occassional doubt that lingers – did I abandon somebody selfishly that I could’ve fixed / helped? I guess I’ll never know. But then I still maintain that you can’t fix somebody without them wanting to fix themselves, so I guess that answers that question.

I need to snap out of this.


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